ADHD-friendly guide to planning: how we made our ADHD wedding perfectly imperfect
Reading time: aprox. 5 minutes
As an ADHD coach committed to raising awareness and educating people about ADHD, I often reflect on how ADHD shapes every aspect of our lives, from work to relationships and, recently, wedding planning.
My story is about getting married with ADHD, embracing spontaneity, and redefining what it means to plan a wedding when you have ADHD.
The start of our ADHD wedding planning journey
My boyfriend and I had been talking about getting married for a while, but like many people with ADHD, wedding planning felt overwhelming.
We had busy schedules, our days were already full of tasks and projects, and the idea of adding wedding planning to the list was daunting.
We knew what we wanted—a meaningful commitment—but the traditional, detail-heavy wedding process just didn’t appeal to us.
In spring, while on holiday, my boyfriend admitted he had been searching for an engagement ring. He wanted it to be perfect, something that would last a lifetime.
As luck would have it, he had a talented jeweler in the family. So, we did what felt right for us: we sat down and designed an engagement ring together.
We even ordered our wedding bands during the same appointment, bypassing all the “shoulds” of the engagement process and simply following our own ADHD-friendly pace.
No time, no problem: an ADHD approach to wedding planning
We were clear from the beginning: we had no time or capacity to start planning a traditional wedding.
So, we decided not to have one.
Instead, we chose to take things step by step, focusing on the next immediate task rather than an overwhelming wedding planning checklist.
What was our next step?
Figuring out what papers we needed and the legal process involved.
We started with a visit to the city hall website and, to our surprise, discovered we could make appointments online—a rarity in Germany!
We spotted a short-notice available slot at our preferred location, which perfectly aligned with our already-planned three-week holiday right after. It felt like the universe had aligned the pieces for us, so without much thought, we booked it on the spot.
This spontaneous approach is very ADHD—acting on impulse, riding the wave of motivation when it comes, and figuring out the details later.
Interestingly, the next available appointment was in May, giving us ten whole months to plan. For my ADHD brain, that would’ve been far too long.
The farther away an event is, the harder it is to engage with it, and I know myself well enough to predict what would have happened: I’d stress about needing to start planning until probably February. But I would be unable to focus and get started on it, and I’d still end up cramming everything into the last three months!
Spontaneity meets the snowball effect: planning an ADHD-friendly wedding
What began as a simple civil ceremony quickly snowballed.
After securing our appointment, we thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to invite family?” That idea led to inviting family and close friends.
But then we couldn’t quite decide who counted as “close.” And before we knew it, our guest list had grown much larger than anticipated.
Then came the cascade of “if, then” questions that people with ADHD are so familiar with:
If people were coming from all around, shouldn’t we do something after? Why not a brunch? Oh, and if there’s brunch, shouldn’t there also be cake?
If we were having brunch, wouldn’t it be great to have a photographer?
If we were getting a photographer, maybe we should dress up a bit?
And if we were dressing up, shouldn’t I get my hair and makeup done?
Suddenly, we were organizing a 70+ person wedding brunch, a far cry from our original plan of keeping things simple.
But instead of feeling overwhelmed, we embraced the chaos.
Our ADHD brains thrive on creative problem-solving and thinking outside the box, and that’s exactly what this experience became—a series of creative decisions made one step at a time.
Crafting a wedding our way: DIY wedding ideas for ADHD couples
Wedding invites were next, and of course, none of the templates we found online fit all the details we wanted to include.
So, we decided to make our own, adding another creative project to our growing list.
We designed, printed, and crafted each invite by hand, loving every imperfect detail that made them uniquely ours.
And because I enjoy pottery, we decided to make the wedding favors ourselves—flower pots from scratch. As any ADHD-er knows, hyperfocus can be a superpower. When something captures our interest, we dive in headfirst, losing hours in a flow state.
That’s exactly what happened with these pots. What began as a small, manageable idea became a beautiful, hands-on project that brought us closer together.
Of course, the time spent making these favors meant other things had to be deprioritized, like my blog writing and social media presence—both crucial parts of my work as an ADHD coach and advocate.
Between the two of us, we spent over 20 hours on pottery, caught up in the fun of it.
Prioritization can be a funny thing for those of us with ADHD: we often devote time to what feels most engaging at the moment, even if it means setting aside tasks that we know are important.
The ADHD brain and remembering the big stuff
Because the ADHD brain doesn’t naturally prioritize, all details tend to feel equally urgent and important. So when someone asks, “What have you been up to recently?” my instinctive response is often, “Not much.”
It’s only after a pause, when I sift through all the mental clutter, that I remember—oh, right, I’m getting married!
It’s a funny, almost absurd reality of living with ADHD: sometimes the big, life-changing events are hidden behind the everyday chaos of thoughts, ideas, and half-finished to-do lists.
Leaning on our support network for ADHD-friendly wedding planning
As much as our impulsivity and creativity fueled our planning, we were lucky to have friends with complementary strengths who offered their support. They made the to-do lists, asked the right questions, and helped us break down the planning into manageable chunks.
This support was crucial because we knew that even with our best intentions, there were details we would miss or forget.
With their help, we tackled each task at our own pace, feeling supported rather than pressured. It’s a reminder that knowing your pitfalls and building a supportive network around you can turn challenges into opportunities for connection and collaboration.
Embracing the wedding planning journey
The wedding hasn’t happened yet, but when it does I’m sure it will be amazing.
Perfectly imperfect, just like us.
We’ve approached the planning process not as a checklist to complete but as an evolving experience that reflects who we are.
And as much as we’ve done to prepare, I know that what will make the day truly special won’t be the perfect details but the love, laughter, and presence of the people who helped us get there.
Managing the overwhelm of planning a wedding with ADHD
Do I get overwhelmed? Absolutely. I have a corporate job, a business to manage, and a wedding to plan. I also need to make time to relax, eat well, exercise, meet friends, be a fiancée, a sister, a daughter, a leader… so many things.
But I’ve learned my limits over time, and I know when it’s time to take a break. Recently, I took two weeks off from wedding planning and went on a three-day retreat to ground myself.
It was exactly what I needed. I came back feeling calm, recharged, and ready to take the next steps.
Now, here I am, writing this blog post, back on track with wedding prep, and taking it all as it comes.
Lessons learned from our ADHD wedding planning
Know your weaknesses and get the scaffolding you need: ADHD often means struggling with prioritization, organization, and follow-through. Surround yourself with people who can fill in those gaps, and don’t be afraid to lean on them. With the right scaffolding, your creativity, problem-solving skills, and flexibility can truly shine.
Follow your flow: traditional timelines and detailed planning didn’t work for us, so we embraced spontaneity. Our approach wasn’t conventional, but it felt right for who we are.
Lean into your strengths: we found ways to make each task enjoyable, turning what could have been a chore into something creative and fun. Our ADHD helped us think outside the box.
Take things one step at a time: approaching the planning of our wedding in small steps allowed us to manage the process without feeling overwhelmed. We didn’t look at the whole mountain; at times, I even think we weren’t even aware that there was a mountain altogether. We just kept taking the next step.
Don’t be afraid of messy: our wedding will be perfectly imperfect. From hand-crafted invites to DIY flower pots, every detail will reflect our personalities, quirks, and all.
It’s okay to change your mind: Our initial “no wedding” plan morphed into something completely different. And that’s okay! Flexibility is key, especially when you’re wired to adapt and improvise.
Looking forward to our big day
As we head toward our wedding day, I know it won’t be what we initially planned—it will be something much better.
It will be a reflection of who we are as individuals and as a couple.
We’re navigating the planning process the ADHD way: with bursts of energy, creative solutions, and embracing the unexpected.
For those of us with ADHD, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to do things the way they’re “supposed” to be done.
We can make our own rules, play to our strengths, and create beautiful moments in our own way.
And when our wedding day finally comes, it will be a perfect celebration of our love, our quirks, and the wonderful, messy magic of ADHD.